Not just yet
by SnarkyCoffee
Summary: A scene that might  and should!  have happened in "Animus" that deals with Helen's thoughts on her relationship with Nikola. Takes place after the bedroom scene. Teslen ahoy! Helen/Nikola Magnus/Tesla


Author's Note: I don't think I've written anything in months- but Teslen is my latest obsession! So here we go.

Disclaimer: this characters, this show, neither belong to me. Alas!

Set-up: Takes place right after the SPOILERS! MAKE SURE YOU'VE SEEN ANIMUS BEFORE READING ONWARDS! scene in "Animus" when Tesla enters Helen's room to tell her about his spectrum shift idea, and Helen shoos him out when he tries to snuggle up next to her.

**_Not just yet_**

**Teslen fanfic following "Animus"**

As Nikola closed the door, Helen allowed herself to grin. The man was nothing but persistent. Of course…he wasn't the only man in her life with that quality.

Her smile faded slowly, as the reminder of why she pushed Nikola away rose again to the forefront of her mind.

Sighing, Helen reached under her bed and drew out a well-worn diary. Reaching over to her nightstand for the pen, she began to write.

_Your eyes ask me why I push you away. When it's just the two of us, here alone- it would be so easy. Why? Your eyes pester me in every silence. _

_Why?_

_Because, Nikola- _

_If John ever found out- we'd be dead. _

_It doesn't matter if he loves me now. Or that I loved him once. All that matters is the fact that John Druitt came back for Ashley; he'll come back for me someday too._

_And if he comes back and finds me with you, Nikola- he'll kill you. He'll think we've been doing this for decades. And then he'll kill me._

_That part doesn't bother me- I don't think I'm truly afraid of death. Indeed, some days I'm afraid of __not__ dying altogether. _

_Yes. Not dying. _

_What if he let me live, Nikola. When he came back. What if he kills you. Then Henry. Will. Kate. Perhaps destroy the entire Sanctuary. _

_What if did all that then left me alive._

_It'd be just like him. Merciless. Cruel. Passionate._

_Perhaps he'd lock me away in a room where I'd be alone for the rest of eternity, with only his visits for company. That, I __am__ afraid of. Not death. I'd rather die than live knowing I'd caused such loss of life, such misery, to people I only wanted to protect._

Pausing, Helen shot a quick glance at the door. Sometimes she felt Nikola might manage to walk through walls. Certainly, if he ever "re-vamped," the man would be nigh unstoppable.

Despite her solemn mood, the thought drew out a tiny smile.

Reassured she heard no sign of Nikola approaching, she let her guard down a little more and snuggled back against the pillows. She hadn't written in her diary for months, since she almost never got an uninterrupted hour when her team was home. Stretching her hands out into a u-shape in front of her, she shook out the tension and resumed writing.

_Honestly, Nikola. It would be so easy to give in to you. Have you really not understood that yet?_

_Every time you smile. Every time we're in the same room. Every time I remember that boy I met at Oxford, and then see the man who stands before me- arrogant as ever; but now you've found empathy for me- if no one else._

_No one else knows quite how much that change means._

_My father would never believe you capable of such emotions. But I truly think you'd sacrifice yourself for me- even if it meant no personal gain for you, even if you might die- I think if it came down to it, you'd save me._

_You wouldn't have done so 100 years ago. But you would today._

_I think that's why I'm-_

Helen paused, considering. It was her diary, no one would ever read it but her. Still- there were some things she didn't think she could admit to herself just yet. No just yet.

She resumed:

_It would be so easy to tell you everything!_

_But I won't lose you. Not now you're back in my life. If it means I can never show you my smiles in return…so be it. _

_If Druitt is ever gone for good, I swear Nikola-_

_I'd go anywhere with you. _

Just then, Helen heard a slight noise at the door. Whipping her diary under the sheets with her left hand, she grabbed a hold of her pistol with the right and leveled it at the door as Nikola appeared around the frame.

Smirking, he greeted her.

"Helen, honestly. I thought after the last time you might have had a warmer greeting than just a gun in my face."

Trying not to let his demeanor affect her, she responded levelly:

"I can't be too safe, Nikola."

Eyes suddenly a shade less mischievous, Nikola held her gaze. "I won't let anything happen to you, Helen," he said seriously.

Damn, but she believed him.

"You neither," Helen almost whispered as she lowered the gun.

Nikola's eyes held hers for a moment, before he walked toward her with an outstretched arm.

"Come along, my lady- our machine is built, and the impossible city awaits."

Accepting the offer, Helen slipped off her robe to reveal that she was fully dressed underneath.

Nikola's eyebrows shot up, but he said nothing as Helen linked her arm in his and walked with him into the corridor.

Once clear of the door, he whirled to face her, walking backwards effortlessly.

"Well. Now that your gun isn't pointed at me, Helen- may I ask why you sleep in your clothes? And your boots? Is it a new custom I'm unaware of? After all I did loose a few months reading Harry Potter- yes I did catch your reference by the way, and I am in no shape or form _Dobby- _but back to the important question, Helen. Why are you fully dressed, when I told you to go curl up and take a cat nap?"

"Because I never plan on sleep when you're around," Helen retorted playfully, sidestepping Nikola effortlessly, when the man stopped dead.

"Come along, house elf," she called as she continued her march down the corridor.

Grinning wildly, Nikola raced to catch up with her.

"Back to bantering Helen? Excellent. Because I am _not_ your house elf! If anything I'm Voldemort-"

"Hardly"

"Come on! I'm as smart as him!"

"And no where near as evil or heartless, I'm afraid."

"Oh yeah? Then who exactly am I?"

"You're the vampire in the bar in book one."

Nikola let out a bark of laughter. She got him that time!

"Your sweet talk will get you no where," he retorted merrily as the two walked down the corridor and into the library.

And though neither looked at the other to see it… they were holding hands.

THE END.

**Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. :)**


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